When I was a Christian, I used to feel so bad for people who “lost their faith.” I’m not sure how I pictured this happening, but I knew it was a bad thing. I also knew I had a duty to try and help them “find it” again. I’m not sure I ever succeeded, and now that I think about it, I’m not surprised. The expression “losing faith” is commonly used, but it’s fundamentally wrong. I lose my keys, my phone, and sometimes my credit card (fortunately, I’ve always “found” them again), and that’s because I put them down in a place that is different from usual, or maybe because someone puts something on top of them or even moves them. I can’t say that about my faith. I never put it down somewhere, intending to pick it up again. No-one moved it or covered it. No. I had faith, and then after considering different ideas, thinking logically, and working through questions and issues, it just disappeared. POOF! Just like that. One moment I believed, then I wasn’t sure, and then I just didn’t.
Faith is not something I can just find. Because… I never lost it. It just died. Quickly. One could say it dissolved in an instant. Did I have a sense of loss? Yes, I did. There is so much wrapped up in faith – music, friends, literature, church, small groups, choirs, mission trips, camps, retreats, and memories. If you have been involved in faith for as long as I have, it leaves a gap. Moreover, if you have been immersed in faith for decades, there are many things you did NOT do in order to pursue those faith-building activities. So, there are things you cannot relate to with people “outside the faith” – where I am now. All this creates a sense of imbalance, of feeling displaced, and forces you to work out how you really want to interact – how you REALLY think you should behave.
Does this make sense? Let me give an example. As a Christian, I was taught that swearing was wrong, as was “taking the lord’s name in vain.” To be honest, I wasn’t exactly sure what that latter phrase meant other than not saying things like “Jesus Christ!” as a swear word. So, I didn’t. No swearing. No blasphemy. Ever. I read articles about how swearing was actually a good thing (releasing anger, for a start), but resolutely, I kept my resolve. Now, post-faith, *I* get to decide. Is it good or not good to swear? It’s a simple question with a not-so-simple answer. I’ve had to think through this question, as I have had to think through every single moral choice that hitherto I’d never had to think about! Why? Because my faith had a virtually all-encompassing moral code.
But here’s the thing. As I work through these things, I firmly believe I am a far more moral person than I EVER was as a Christian. I am not seeking to make people think and act like I do. Instead, I value people as they are. Each of us has our own journey to make, and I have come to accept that my journey is unique, and that I have no moral obligation to try to persuade people to become like me. This realization has changed my life. And I am so, so glad that I get to live out the remainder of my life in this way.
So, far from losing my faith, and feeling obliged to search for it, I embrace my new life. A life of freedom, choice, and acceptance.
Life. What's it all about? 